ONE year anniversary- What have I done?

I've been on Oahu now for 1 year. I've had two jobs I've wanted to take both with me on the top of a very large mountain and chuck them off into the sea. Lets just say I really really really hate working for stupid people. As soon as I write that I know I'm going to need to repent, because although my past work experience has led me to wonder why everyone has their head up their keesters, It also reminds me that these are God's children too and he loves them just as he loves me. That being said, I've definitely quit these two jobs to be focused on me. Not sure if that's selfish or not because the truth is we all need to work. But I have this huge voice in my head that says, "screw it, it's your life, and if you're not happy go find something that will make you happy. Pretty simple basics, I'm more free flowing than rigid. If I'm speaking from a social ladder, I'm not saying this is the smartest move. Looking down can create quite the fear of heights. But if I'm speaking from the slip and slid on a big green hill beside my wet feet, I'm ready at all times to ride it out when life gets mundane, to heck with it. There's always money to be made and lots of it.

I write all this not to show that I don't mind being a free bird, it's really to focus on one very important subject I hold dear to my heart. These last two jobs would have me exhausted and frustrated and numb. I'd come home and couldn't think, exercise, and sometimes just be nice. This was a year of just dealing with poor management and also some prejudicial attacks that made me feel like, "What the heck, how is this my life?".

Some of you may know I run a program called Nurturing Souls. It's to feed, aid, and clothe the Homeless. It's to say hello, a warm smile, a pat on the back and most of all EYE CONTACT, to show anyone that, "Hey, you may have felt while waiting in line that you don't matter but to me, you will always matter". I try to remember everyone's names so when they come back the next week they know I care and that I'm here if they're hungry. The meals are healthy and cost the business less than 0.25 to produce per person. My nickname on the streets is "The Rice Lady". Nothing is sweeter than when I set up an event and I see a smile from a local who say's, "HEY, it's The Rice Lady!". There's so many beautiful stories that have come from feeding God's children. These stories are my eternal happiness.

This year has been very trying. Living in a new area, eating food I just do not crave, new friends, a new school and 2 jobs that have been mixed with bias and prejudice. Most of all my natural compassion to help the homeless has somehow floated away from the happiness I once had locked down. When life gets really hard and depressing, its interesting how what we once practiced can be substituted for an indulgence of self and negative thinking.

It's been exactly one year since I've had an event. I'm wholeheartedly embarrassed to admit that seeing the year prior The program fed 3,500 people. Why, you may ask? First it started with being scared that I didn't know the people I served. What if they hated the food I don't even like to eat? What if they could see I wasn't an islander but just another who took their land from them? What if no one would volunteer?
I had all the logistics and budget and team packed down in Los Angeles and it worked and it was beautiful. Miracles happen weekly and that led me to a convection of truth that I am here to serve the children of God. But here in Hawaii, starting over meant starting with a new heart, far from fear and filled with blinders where the only thing that mattered was, "How many of God kids did I feed this week?".

 it just got to the point that made it impossible to have strength to feed myself, let alone the homeless.  I would say at best depression won over me and I hid from my very own path of reliance and truth.

There's a story about Mark Occhilupo that reminds me of myself. One of the greatest surfers to ever live. One day he became discouraged and burned out and left the surf. Just gone, he hid in his house and isolated himself from everyone.  No one knew why he choose to leave and let everything he worked for go. Admittedly, he laid on his couch for a whole year, drinking, eating, gaining weigh, binge watchingt and battling depression. Eventually when enough was enough, he returned to the water stronger than ever and won a world title. This is the short version but you can see something died inside of him, yet he still found a way back to what he was destined for.

I'm in no way a champion to the world of surf but the Homeless are my calling in this life. For me it's time to get off my couch and get back to being the rice lady I've been knighted by so many hungry souls. As I like to say and will always believe, " Every Soul Matters"

Next feeding is this friday. I don't know how I'm going to cook a feast in my tiny kitchen, how I'm going to afford it and how it's to be healthy. But I can testify to you that when you do the Lord's work miracles happen, revelations arrive, and when all is said and done, you did it and you realize, you didn't do anything with out the help and grace of god.

Hopefully, this post will help anyone struggling with inadequacies, depression, or how to go about blindly serving others.

Here's to a new and promising year feeding one of the highest homeless rates in our nation. 6,000 people are starving on this tiny island. Lets see what progress and happiness can come from it!

Mahalo Brothers and Sisters!