Addiction Recovery Program

   In the last 3 months the church has produced a catalog of short serie documents to help raise awareness and resources in the aid of addictions. As of last week I've joined the LDS Recovery Addiction Program. My boyfriend ordered the workbook for me as a gift to help get me started. Now I don't suffer from the more commonly known addictions such as drugs, alcohol, or sex related trials. I struggle with something just as debilitating that isn't really spoken of but hinders every part of my life.

I'm addicted to poor thought patterns that are causing me to suffer beyond my own capacity. Boyd K. Packer of the 12 apostles wrote, "Addiction has the capacity to disconnect the human will and nullify moral agency." What I'm dealing with is a bondage that affects my behaviors and causes me to have emotional cravings that are not aligned with the Gospel. These patterns HARM my social, emotional, and spiritual well being.

The stories we tell ourselves are the most important line of thinking we do on this earth. Due to the stories I have told myself I have conditioned my thoughts to make me feel like many things in this life are threats and that's just how life will be because it is my trial to bear. As I've gotten older and tried to be in relationships I have struggled with feeling connected or aligned with the most important to date . On a daily basis I feel stressed, I can't manage my emotions, I have depression, I find faults, I'm quick to anger, and most of all I'm tied with negative thinking that makes me feel mountains of guilt. I wrote down on Thursday all the emotions I have on a daily basis and what I realized is no matter how active and faithful and service oriented I am in the church, Heavenly Father must feel so sad that his daughter deals with so much pain and anguish. I know that if I were to sit and talk with him he would ask me, "Kristina, my dearest daughter, why have you put yourself through so much hurt, when I gifted you with a Savior who could heal all of your pain? Wasn't my plan of happiness something we both wanted?"

Since opening and studying and pondering this manual I feel saved. Not healed and rid of all my poor thought patterns but truly pacified and accounted for. I know even after 2 simple days with the ARP in the near future I'm going to be healed.

Now, many people reading this may be skeptic and think that this excitement for future healing is just in the moment because it's new and different and that surely it will lose it's shine. But what's amazingly different is the day I opened the book and began to study my mind was opened to truths about my life I had never considered and I was visited by the Holy ghost and given confirmation about these principles as well. When I had my enlightenment I went through a whole first day feeling like someone took the 30 pound bag of rocks I was carrying off of my back. In the following days that have passed, in exploring my new insight, I feel as if I've had the administration of angels walking with me. When I've tried to articulate the way my mind is working now compared to before I can't find words. The words I try to use don't convey the miracle that's occurring. There aren't words sufficient enough to explain the progress that's being made mentally and the mercy i'm being granted spiritually.  I feel like I've been trying to jam all different types of keys into a very specific locket and nothing has worked until now. Now I have a key that fits and i have access to a new opening.

Most of all I feel very very close to God and The Savior. It is my hope that every member of the church can one day open this manual and have personal study. I don't even feel like the ARP should be only for people with  addictions. This program should be an outline of how to come closer to the Savior. We are here in the life to prove ourselves worthy and become like Jesus Christ. Next to the Book of Mormon, these teachings can change your life and prove that any change that's desired is possible.

I testify of Father in heaven who loves his children so much, he not only gave us The savior, but a comforter in the form of the Holy Ghost, a Prophet, the Priesthood, the Sacrament and a historical book filled with teachings on how to have joy and be of worth to return to live with out families in heaven. I say all of these sacred truths with a filled heart in the name of Jesus Christ, The Redeemer of All, Amen.


To learn more because you know your curious: https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

Untouchable

     As conference has passed there are many new things happening within the church. One is which is the calling of three new apostles. From this I have been thinking a lot about our leaders and who they interact with most.  It's obvious that they attend lots of meetings, and spend lots of time with God, but after much thought I came to the realization that the leaders of this church interact with the members of the church the most. This type of thinking lead me to relate to other leaders of the world in the same aspect. 

    Last week, The Pope came for a visit to the U.S. and the main news headlines for a week were circled around the Pope reaching out to bless bystanders, or go against protocol to touch the crowds.  Even stopping his car to bless babies and kids. People felt loved and considered that a man of his stature would do such a thing on his precious time

      I started thinking that it shouldn't be news that a spiritual leader does something that Christ would so easily do. Why do we live in a society where getting in touch with church leaders makes the news. This lead my thoughts to further develop the idea that never in the History of the LDS church has it been difficult for members to get a hold of their leaders.  I don't believe God would send Prophets to this earth that are untouchable. If God tells us he loves us and wants us to be happy why would he block us from any revelation we may seek or help we may need from our leaders.

    The facts is if we wanted to, we could write a letter to anyone of our LDS leaders and in time receive a letter back. We could go to a speaking engagement and actually get to meet an apostle or the prophet and have the chance to smile, shake hands, be acknowledged, and feel the effects of their spirits. The list is actually long, You as the reader can probably think of a very specific time a leader in the church made you feel singular. 

     I'm so blessed to be part of a church where I know God created it. He actually got out the blueprints, finalized the building and began to raise the greatest establishment here on the earth. From his plans, we are not alone but have continued help and resources. His plan is a smart plan and I have a testimony of his living prophets. Since the keys of the restoration, we see that God never leaves his people without leaders and touchable leaders at that.

     As I finish the first chapter of The Book of Mormon I think so much about Nephi, one of the most fascinating prophets that ever lived. This chapter is filled with TRUTH and ENLIGHTENMENT. For the majority of this chapter we learn of Nephi, being the youngest, having 2 older brothers, Laman and Lemuel, who consistently create contention and malice towards him. We read that they despise Nephi for his younger age, leadership skills, and prophecies.  We learn of many stories where the brothers of Nephi, retaliate against him by intentionally hurting Nephi or literally trying to kill him in order silence his direction. Learning of all the plans and selfishness these brothers posses, Nephi never retaliates but prays for forgiveness, their salvation and an increase of their faith. We see that Nephi is self-disciplined and humble and always grateful. In one event, during a storm on a ship, Nephi is tied up for days by his murmuring brothers who seek to silence him, he expresses in a prayer:

1 Nephi 18:16

"Nevertheless, I did look unto my God and I did praise him all the day long and I did not murmur against the lord because of my afflictions"

     All of the Lord's Prophets are on his errand and are always looking towards him to know how to better serve the people around them. Knowing that Prophets of old and the prophet today may have lots of work to accomplish but always have time and the patience for the members makes my membership golden. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love that our prophets and leaders are touchable and real! After all, this is Christ church and this is what he would do.