Beyond the Smile

        I'm 31 and have been working since the age of 7. With my first job my Mother the business owner used to pay me 0.25 an hour to file paperwork from customers she had sold cars to. Since that time, the amount of jobs I've had have grown and grown. You name it, I've probably done it. In addition I've always had 2 jobs simultaneously. Sadly, I've always had a knack for burning out very quickly. This is partly due to working in jobs where the moral is low and the pay is even lower. The moment I realize I'm working with people that could care less about my welfare, that's at the point I'm usually considering a new job. Some may call that being uncommitted, maybe ego-driven, even a bit flakey; rather, I'm usually considering the blimp hanging over my head that reads, "Life is short, don't settle for less, be brave". With that, I'm always moving into something new every couple years and seeing how much I can improve with skills and really in all honesty,  trying to own kindness. Because lets be real, if you're not kind, you probably aren't very good at your job. Unanimously, every employee in a work setting can point to the people that make the work environment lousy and more times than not, they don't have kindness kindled by their side.

   So, if we were to take all of my past co-workers which would probably consist of 2,000-2,500 people roughly, what would they say about me? I'd imagine most would say I'm always smiling but gets frazzled easily. That I'm a Mormon and funny. I also think some girls who never wanted my friendship from the get go would say I'm annoying. I get this idea from a lot of dirty looks I've shrugged off from the past by just making conversation. Sometimes work makes people cranky and they aren't in the mood to be social. There's also been many girls who have gotten to know me and openly admitted they thought I was very "intimidating" from the confidence I air. All together I think people may say that I care immensely about people's well being and am a good honest hard worker. If I were to be asked what I posses as a worker, I would really hone in on my conscience effort to be kind, service oriented, caring, and try my hardest to smile at everyone to make them feel more happy. I point out these work traits to better highlight my goals during this life.

   So with all of these jobs I've created a reputation for who I am. I like my reputation, I like the variety of jobs I've had and the skills I posses. But there's really a large problem with this. What I've failed to write is I haven't been fair to my time here on earth. As much as I care about how I perform during work, the choices behind leaving all my jobs have been centered around negativity. Most jobs I've worked, I've smiled on the outside, delivered great work, but really have had hatred stirred inside me every work day until recently. I've criticized all productivity, thinking there's better ways, smarter ways. I absolutely despised lazy workers and people that cheat systems. I'm offended inside by people's choice of language and resistant to any form of harassment from my peers. I always think I could make more money elsewhere, and will complain to my family the moment I get home. So, my time here on earth, a great deal, has been wasted smiling on the outside and wasting on the inside.

   Recently, I got a new job. The people around me hate their job. All but one. Her name is Stephanie. A retired veteran. She's 50 and rides her motorcycle to work. She's loud, happy, and tough as nails. I'm pretty sure she could take a nail to the head and pull it out and go straight back to work. This woman makes so many people happy. She makes my days filled with light and I go home thinking I want to be more and more like her. My first week on the job I saw all the things I could learn to easily hate. The people around me didn't make it any easier. The complains from all just keep rolling in. But I made a really really strong choice to never look at those holes, and If I yield to negative thoughts, to just plow threw them and run them down fast. Yesterday, I took the time to thank Stephanie for her attitude. She shared with me that she doesn't even need this job, but the real currency is making people happy. I've reflected greatly on everything she's taught me and really do love her and her willingness to be what so many other's are not. Ever since I made the effort to turn my head in the wake of disappointment, I truly have come to say outloud that, "I love my job". I really do. This is the first time I've ever felt like this in my life. I'm so lucky I get paid to do what I do. I have every opportunity to make other's happy. I have integrity, and I'm going to prove to my peers that I am the very best in what I do.

   It's a sin to be angry, it's a sin to be idle, and a sin to be contentious. Blessed are those who have charity and continue to serve others and carry yourselves with a cheerful disposition. The Book of Mormon teaches the principle that if you prepare yourselves in this life and follow the commandments then no evil can overpower you but God can only strengthen you and enrich your preparations. If a job is starting to become a negative topic of conversation with yourself or others, delve into learning about your job and do what others aren't doing. Learn of your field and make it better. Stand out and be happy. In the end be so great at your job that no one can replace you. Life is filled with choices, choose to be outstanding. I leave these things with you in the name of the all mighty redeemer, jesus Christ,

Amen.

Change Through Miracles.

   On October 30th, 2015 I met my 10 year anniversary mark of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In these 10 years, as a promise from God this is what I've been given. 2 Nephi 28:30 accounts:

30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have

There have been layers in my membership. In the beginning I was taught doctrine, principle, language, culture and how the Holy Ghost feels. A few years passed and I learned how to be exact with callings, tithing settlement, responsibilities and service. A couple more years passed and I entered the Lords house. The largest of all my choices in the church so far. And now, as 10 years has arrived, I'm still advancing spiritually but am reminded of just how young my spiritual mind is. This month I'm learning how to love my ward family. To not just love specific members, but to love all that belong to our ward boundaries and serve them well.

It's said that a human will learn the most he or she ever learns between the ages of 3 and 8 and this may be true from a scientific, biological standpoint but from a spiritual standpoint (which I feel is greater then biological) I really feel like the most I've ever learned is in these last 10 years. Ironically enough, What I was taught during my primitive years wasn't very healthy for a child and I learned many things that have needed to be corrected as an adult. And the only way that correction has been feasible is through my membership inside the church. The only way to repair the past has been through The Book of Mormon and Jesus Christ's atonement for mankind.

As I've been healing from my childhood, there's been lots of questions in the last year as to how The Atonement can heal me, Many times, I have felt despair. I've felt frustrated, so lost and feeling like I just would never heal. It seemed like change wasn't something I could do. It wasn't until I fully surrendered my problems and let God take control of all the confusion did I start to see miracles happen and things change in my life. Something new I started doing is this. When I'm scared and fearful I tell him, "Dear God, I'm so scared, and it hurts, and I don't want to be the way I have been. I can't control this because it's bigger than me. Can you please make me strong and able to get through this and I will stop being scared and know that you are aware of me and in control". From this moment on, I stop worrying as much as I can and only think about the positive things God can do. I repeat his goodness in my head and don't let the fear arise.

This week I had a situation where I knew I couldn't handle what had happen to me. The offense that was brought into my head made me sick and immediately made me feel aloof and paralyzed. I prayed and was influenced to not act on my feelings but rather act with love and continue to not let my feeling be me but to be a new Kristina. I followed through for an hour even though it was discomfiting and felt like the pain might be written on my face. I kept smiling and acting with compliments and ended up changing what could've been a bad situation into a great one. This was the first time since the age of 6 I had ever done such. It blew my mind. I felt like I broke free from chains that have always held me under. As simple as this example is, it shows me, that line upon line, precept upon precept, God can change me and help me be a new Kristina. I can see that for every situation now that may cause me fear, I can remember this miracle and use it as a reference as I evolve.

God will always fix what we cannot but I believe you must also be willing to try all you can. This life's journey is a test and part of passing that test is looking for Christ to help fix the broken pieces, His life was a sacrifice for all of Mankind. I testify that Jesus lives and we have a father in heaven who loves us so much he has shown us the way to return to him and his son. I say these thing in the beloved sons name, Jesus Christ- Amen