Waiting on a Message

      Every year around the holidays I have a huge amount of internal stress. It seems as though the holiday's remind me of how unprepared I am. Tithing settlement never seems to be at ease, bills are due, presents are expected. It has gotten to the point where Christmas can be harder and harder to contemplate. My ability to remember Christ during this time can be clouded by heavy thoughts. I feel like at the young age of 31 I've created some type of habit where this is the norm. While recently attending church I had a brief thought during the sacrament. I felt the need to remind myself that in order to have the most beneficial sacrament, I should look for messages throughout the hour. As I did so, I was reminded of Adam, the first man on earth. As I thought about him traveling the barren desert, I recolected that it was he who told the very adversary that he was looking for messages from his Father to tell him what he should do next. Understanding that Adam felt the need to constantly be aware of when messages were made available reminded me that I should too be looking for those messages to help lead and guide me. And so as I sat in the remainder of the sacrament hour, I wrote what came to mind. As I did a tithing envelope slipped out of my notebook and I was reminded of all the bills I must pay this month. I've been contemplating what I should do this week concerning that. I have my BYU tuition due, yet I also have my tithing settlement due. If I can't pay for school I will have to wait another year to enroll. At 31, this is the last thing I ever want to do. But, what kind f member am I, what kind of disciple am I if I can't remember that spiritual laws are the greatest of all. The Lord ask that way pay 1/10th of all that we are given and in return he will prepare mansions for us. So with my faith, I will pay my tithing on time and hope for a way my school can be paid in time. I don't know how it will work out but it always does and I'm sticking close to that miracle.